A major breakthrough in autism research just hit the internet that’s guaranteed to completely transform the field forever: This online autism assessment will just tell you you’re autistic if it seems like that’s what you want to hear!
Amazing! This is definitely a giant win for neurodiversity!
The groundbreaking new test appeared on a website called AbsoluteMindAutismTest.org earlier this week. The test is specially designed to take into account whether you are hoping to be told you have autism and will adjust your results accordingly to make sure the assessment tells you exactly that. The new test has already racked up tens of thousands of results, providing aspiring autistic people with the feedback they need to affirm their hopes that they are somewhere on the spectrum.
“Whether you struggle to make eye contact, make too much eye contact, or make an average amount of eye contact, we’re ready to tell you that you are autistic,” said Dr. Ethan Flores, one of the leading researchers who helped develop the amazing new diagnostic exam. “Our test is here to tell you that even if you have no difficulties reading social cues, communicating with others, or expressing emotions, you can still be told you have autism. Basically, the first question we ask is, ‘Do you, for whatever reason, want to be autistic?’ and if you say yes to that, we’re going to find a way to tell you that you are.”
This is so exciting! Regardless of what your actual neurological status actually is, there’s never been a better time to secure an autism diagnosis.
As if the Absolute Mind Autism Test wasn’t already incredible enough, the website will also send you an official certificate declaring that you are autistic if you indicate that such a certificate would make you feel good. Even if your answers correspond almost perfectly with the average neurotypical responses, you’ll now have a very official-looking document that declares that you exhibit habits, behaviors, and neurological tendencies that fall far outside the norm.
It’s official, this is the coolest thing to hit the internet all year. While some medical professionals and members of the autism community have expressed concern about the test, the team at AbsoluteMindAutismTest.org dismiss these concerns as elitist and exclusionary. “Being diagnosed as autistic is something everyone should have the opportunity to experience, regardless of what narrow-minded gatekeepers say,” Dr. Flores explains. “Just because a person exhibits no signs of autism whatsoever does not mean they shouldn’t be allowed to be told that they’re on the spectrum. That’s just basic common sense.”
Hell. Yes. If more online tests were as amazing as this one, the world would be a better place. We can’t wait to take the exam ourselves and get told whatever we want about our neurodiversity!

