EPISODE 10 Sigh. The Boss has written an app and is quite pleased with himself. The higher-ups are even more pleased because it apparently saves us money. They're so pleased, in fact, they're mandating that it be installed on Company phones. The Boss writing an app in the first place is a red flag so large it could claim a world record, but it gets worse as he wants us to help sell it to the plebs. The PFY and I aren't having a bar of it as there's a fair chance that he's reinvented the wheel – after making it "better" by removing all those pesky curved bits. I've deliberately not asked to look at the source code, as I expect it'll be 40,000 lines of improvised (not interpreted) BASIC. "I used AI to make it," the Boss offers. Ah. Initially I'd thought the Boss must've watched a bunch of YouTube videos on programming, but I now realize that his laziness gene kicked in early and he's been "vibe-coding." The horror! I upgrade my mental picture from "blind leading the blind" to "incompetent leading the blind – through a minefield. In the dark. On pogo sticks." "It's got AI in it!" the Boss whines, after the PFY and I express our doubts. "So have the words failure, and painful, and brainless," the PFY points out. "Maybe, but this is the perfect synergy of..." "Salt and vinegar?" I suggest. "What?" "Perfect synergies – a prime example of which is salt and vinegar," I reply. "Or muesli on ice cream," the PFY adds. "I mean new synergies," the Boss chips back. "Ah, like salt and vinegar crisps and marmalade sandwiches?" I ask. "What?" "They're surprisingly good," I say. "I MEAN the new synergies of artificial intelligence, deep technical knowledge, and plain language," he blathers. "You realize that the synergy of deep technical knowledge and plain speaking is essentially what AI claims to be? After you add a layer of obscurity, some hallucinations, and a touch of mental illness, that is." "No, this is an app to help you in the workplace." "Help me in the workplace, how?" I ask. "Does it tell me which windows have faulty safety catches?" "No, this is an app for everyone." "Ah, so it's an app to warn people about windows with faulty safety catches?" "No! Say you're new to the Company but you don't know, I dunno, where the paper is for the photocopier," the Boss says. "I think the first problem you'd have would be finding a photocopier. All we have are multifunction printers." "Alright then, you need to find paper for the printer – but you don't know where it is." "The printer or the paper?" the PFY asks. "Why would you need paper for a printer if you didn't know where the printer was?" "I ask myself these questions daily," the PFY sighs. "Anyway, the paper's in the cupboard beside the printer." "Well, what if there wasn't any paper in the cupboard beside the printer?" "Then it would be in one of the cartons of paper, which are beside the cupboard, which is beside the printer." "What if there wasn't any?" the Boss snaps. "There's always paper there. Sometimes five or six cartons." "WHAT. IF. THERE. WASN'T?!" "You'd ask the office admin person." "WHAT IF YOU ARE THE OFFICE ADMIN PERSON? And you've just started, and the printer's out of paper." "Oh, right. So... you'd use the app?" I ask. "YES! YOU'D USE THE APP. It'd tell you where the storeroom is, and you could get some paper. It might identify the best type of paper to use for the photoco- PRINTER that you have, and, maybe, suggest that you pick up a spare toner cartridge if your printer was running low." "So the app is able to remotely check on printer toner levels?" I ask. "No, it would suggest you pick up a spare cartridge if the printer was low." "How would you know if the toner was low if you'd just started?" the PFY asks. "When you don't know where the printer is?" I add. "You'd ask the app how to tell if it was low. It could talk you through how to check your particular printer." "So... the app will know where your printer is?" the PFY asks. "THE APP WILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR PRINTER, WHEN YOU FIND OUT WHERE IT IS!" the Boss snaps. "Ah right, now I'm with you. So, to clarify: you've written an app which will suggest you check the toner of a printer – that you have to find – which is out of paper – that you have to find – because you're a new office admin person. It's a little... niche... for an app, don't you think?" "NO!" the Boss blurts, maybe a touch frustrated. "It's an app for everyone." "But most people already know where the printer and paper are." "That's just one example of what it might do. It might, I don't know, explain how to use the air conditioning system based on the current environment and include tips on how to use it most efficiently for power consumption. It could maybe teach you how to choose a complex password to meet our security policy. Maybe it could highlight better travel options to get to work." "OK, I get it. You've invented a mansplaining app." "No! This app is good for everyone!" "So you keep saying. But the theory behind any good app is that it gives you some competitive advantage – an advantage that would be lost if everyone had the app." "How do you mean?" "Like the app the PFY wrote." "What does it do?" "If I told you, he might lose his competitive advantage." "Well, I'll ask him then." ... It's amazing how quickly the PFY can vibe-code a faulty window safety catch app. There might be something in that AI stuff after all... BOFH: Previous episodes on The RegisterThe Compleat BOFH Archives 95-99

EPISODE 10 Sigh. The Boss has written an app and is quite pleased with himself. The higher-ups are even more pleased because it apparently saves us money. They're so pleased, in fact, they're mandating that it be installed on Company phones. The Boss writing an app in the first place is a red flag so large it could claim a world record, but it gets worse as he wants us to help sell it to the plebs. The PFY and I aren't having a bar of it as there's a fair chance that he's reinvented the wheel – after making it "better" by removing all those pesky curved bits. I've deliberately not asked to look at the source code, as I expect it'll be 40,000 lines of improvised (not interpreted) BASIC. "I used AI to make it," the Boss offers. Ah. Initially I'd thought the Boss must've watched a bunch of YouTube videos on programming, but I now realize that his laziness gene kicked in early and he's been "vibe-coding." The horror! I upgrade my mental picture from "blind leading the blind" to "incompetent leading the blind – through a minefield. In the dark. On pogo sticks." "It's got AI in it!" the Boss whines, after the PFY and I express our doubts. "So have the words failure, and painful, and brainless," the PFY points out. "Maybe, but this is the perfect synergy of..." "Salt and vinegar?" I suggest. "What?" "Perfect synergies – a prime example of which is salt and vinegar," I reply. "Or muesli on ice cream," the PFY adds. "I mean new synergies," the Boss chips back. "Ah, like salt and vinegar crisps and marmalade sandwiches?" I ask. "What?" "They're surprisingly good," I say. "I MEAN the new synergies of artificial intelligence, deep technical knowledge, and plain language," he blathers. "You realize that the synergy of deep technical knowledge and plain speaking is essentially what AI claims to be? After you add a layer of obscurity, some hallucinations, and a touch of mental illness, that is." "No, this is an app to help you in the workplace." "Help me in the workplace, how?" I ask. "Does it tell me which windows have faulty safety catches?" "No, this is an app for everyone." "Ah, so it's an app to warn people about windows with faulty safety catches?" "No! Say you're new to the Company but you don't know, I dunno, where the paper is for the photocopier," the Boss says. "I think the first problem you'd have would be finding a photocopier. All we have are multifunction printers." "Alright then, you need to find paper for the printer – but you don't know where it is." "The printer or the paper?" the PFY asks. "Why would you need paper for a printer if you didn't know where the printer was?" "I ask myself these questions daily," the PFY sighs. "Anyway, the paper's in the cupboard beside the printer." "Well, what if there wasn't any paper in the cupboard beside the printer?" "Then it would be in one of the cartons of paper, which are beside the cupboard, which is beside the printer." "What if there wasn't any?" the Boss snaps. "There's always paper there. Sometimes five or six cartons." "WHAT. IF. THERE. WASN'T?!" "You'd ask the office admin person." "WHAT IF YOU ARE THE OFFICE ADMIN PERSON? And you've just started, and the printer's out of paper." "Oh, right. So... you'd use the app?" I ask. "YES! YOU'D USE THE APP. It'd tell you where the storeroom is, and you could get some paper. It might identify the best type of paper to use for the photoco- PRINTER that you have, and, maybe, suggest that you pick up a spare toner cartridge if your printer was running low." "So the app is able to remotely check on printer toner levels?" I ask. "No, it would suggest you pick up a spare cartridge if the printer was low." "How would you know if the toner was low if you'd just started?" the PFY asks. "When you don't know where the printer is?" I add. "You'd ask the app how to tell if it was low. It could talk you through how to check your particular printer." "So... the app will know where your printer is?" the PFY asks. "THE APP WILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR PRINTER, WHEN YOU FIND OUT WHERE IT IS!" the Boss snaps. "Ah right, now I'm with you. So, to clarify: you've written an app which will suggest you check the toner of a printer – that you have to find – which is out of paper – that you have to find – because you're a new office admin person. It's a little... niche... for an app, don't you think?" "NO!" the Boss blurts, maybe a touch frustrated. "It's an app for everyone." "But most people already know where the printer and paper are." "That's just one example of what it might do. It might, I don't know, explain how to use the air conditioning system based on the current environment and include tips on how to use it most efficiently for power consumption. It could maybe teach you how to choose a complex password to meet our security policy. Maybe it could highlight better travel options to get to work." "OK, I get it. You've invented a mansplaining app." "No! This app is good for everyone!" "So you keep saying. But the theory behind any good app is that it gives you some competitive advantage – an advantage that would be lost if everyone had the app." "How do you mean?" "Like the app the PFY wrote." "What does it do?" "If I told you, he might lose his competitive advantage." "Well, I'll ask him then." ... It's amazing how quickly the PFY can vibe-code a faulty window safety catch app. There might be something in that AI stuff after all... BOFH: Previous episodes on The RegisterThe Compleat BOFH Archives 95-99

Op het eerste gezicht lijkt de nieuwe film van Muriël d'Ansembourg over porno te gaan, maar in wezen draait 'Truly Naked' om de hunkering naar intimiteit.

Om publiek te blijven trekken moeten de honderd jaar oude Passiespelen in het Limburgse Tegelen blijven vernieuwen. Het openluchtspektakel werkt samen met Toneelgroep Maastricht, en traditionele mannenrollen worden gespeeld door vrouwen.

BRUSSEL (ANP) - De EU-lidstaten hebben vrijdag ingestemd met het opschorten van importtarieven voor bepaalde kunstmeststoffen voor de duur van een jaar. Dat voorstel deed de Europese Commissie in januari.

Met het voorstel hoopte Brussel de landbouwsector gunstiger te stemmen, zodat lidstaten eerder dit jaar akkoord zouden gaan met een handelsdeal met Mercosur-landen (Argentinië, Brazilië, Paraguay en Uruguay). Europese boeren zijn namelijk bang weggeconcurreerd te worden door boeren uit deze landen, omdat zij goedkoper kunnen produceren.

Het tijdelijk afschaffen van de importtarieven op ureum en ammoniak zal landbouwers in de EU 60 miljoen euro besparen, zo is de inschatting. De uitzondering geldt niet voor kunstmeststoffen uit Rusland en Belarus.

Snelle ingang

De uitzondering van een jaar gaat snel in, zodra deze in het zogeheten Publicatieblad van de EU is afgedrukt.

De EU importeerde in 2024 zo'n 2 miljoen ton ammoniak en 5,9 miljoen ton ureum. De importtarieven variëren tussen de 5,5 en 6,5 procent.

De oud-burgemeester van Hendrik-Ido-Ambacht Herman J., die vastzit voor het bezit van kinderporno, wordt door het Openbaar Ministerie ook beschuldigd van ontucht. Hij wordt ervan verdacht dat hij tussen 2005 en 2016 een jonge man zou hebben gedwongen tot ontucht. Het slachtoffer was veel jonger.

De politie hield de 77-jarige verdachte op 17 februari aan, op verdenking van het bezit van kinderpornografisch beeldmateriaal tussen januari 2023 en oktober vorig jaar. In de rechtbank in Rotterdam is dinsdagochtend de eerste zitting.

Zijn advocaat Robert van der Laan laat aan het ANP weten dat zijn cliënt daarbij aanwezig is. De advocaat zal de rechtbank vragen de voorlopige hechtenis te schorsen, zodat J. zijn strafzaak in vrijheid kan afwachten. Een woordvoerster van het OM zegt niet te kunnen reageren.

J. was burgemeester van Hendrik-Ido-Ambacht van 1996 tot 2011. De vermeende ontucht speelde zich zowel tijdens zijn burgemeesterschap als in de jaren daarna af. De raadsman zegt dat J. de beschuldiging van ontucht ontkent.

UTRECHT (ANP) - Vakcentrale VCP ziet oproepen van de nieuwe VNO-NCW-voorzitter Coen van Oostrom aan het kabinet als steun voor het ultimatum dat de organisatie samen met vakbonden FNV en CNV had gesteld. De bonden eisen dat het kabinet voor komende maandag plannen voor een snellere stijging van de AOW-leeftijd en bezuinigingen op de WIA en WW van tafel haalt.

In een interview met De Telegraaf pleit de nieuwe VNO-NCW-voorzitter ervoor om bezuinigingen op de WW en WIA tijdelijk "buiten haken" te plaatsen, oftewel te parkeren. De snellere verhoging van de AOW-leeftijd moet "in de ijskast, doe die ijskast op slot en vries de sleutel in". Dat moet wat Van Oostrom betreft de weg vrijmaken voor een breed akkoord over economische weerbaarheid.

Voorzitter Nic van Holstein van VCP ziet de oproep van de VNO-NCW-voorzitter tot een gesprek over een breed akkoord "in die zin als een ondersteuning van ons ultimatum". Hij benadrukt dat het vooral belangrijk is hoe het kabinet reageert op het ultimatum.

Home destroyed by fire rebuilt with tyres, bottles and cans. Dee-Ann Kelly lost her home to fire in 2024, now she's rebuilding an Earthship, made from recycled materials in an effort to make her home more fire resilient.

A new Oxford Longevity Project report argues that individuals bear at least 80% of the responsibility for ill health in old age. "The report (PDF), launched at the Smart Ageing Summit in Oxford last week, argues that individuals have far greater control over their longevity than is commonly understood," reports The Guardian. "The authors call on the government to take legislative action on alcohol comparable to restrictions on smoking." From the report: Living Longer, Better -- the Oxford Longevity Project's first Age-less report -- was co-authored by an interdisciplinary panel of UK-based experts in medicine, physiology, ageing and education policy. It was sponsored by Oxford Healthspan. The report's authors, Sir Christopher Ball, Sir Muir Gray, Dr Paul Ch'en, Leslie Kenny and Prof Denis Noble, present the figure of 80% as a conservative estimate. [...] The claim, however, has been described as simplistic and said to neglect wider arguments about whether people are genuinely in control of individual choices when it comes to issues including poverty, pollution and healthcare access.

[...] Ball, however, pointed to research including the Landmark Twins Study, where researchers concluded at least 75% of human lifespan is determined by environmental and modifiable lifestyle factors. He also cited large-scale analysis led by Oxford Population Health using data from nearly 500,000 UK Biobank participants which found that environmental exposures and habits carry far greater weight in premature death and biological ageing than inherited genetics. The report's recommendations include avoiding processed foods, abstaining entirely from alcohol, prioritising sleep, not eating after 6.30pm, and cultivating what it calls "a not-meat mindset." On alcohol, it takes a position more forthright than current government guidance. "Alcohol is toxic, don't drink it," said Ball. "The report bravely says so -- whereas the government is afraid to tell the public the truth."

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

From the No 1 goalkeeper Jordan Pickford to the shock call-up Ivan Toney, a player-by-player guide to the 26 bound for the US

• Spence and Toney in, Alexander-Arnold out

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