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6 Reasons I Always The Put Myself Down As My Emergency Contact Instead Of My Wife

Look, I trust my wife with my life, but every time I’m asked to list an emergency contact on insurance paperwork or when leaving for a whitewater rafting trip, I put myself down instead of her. Here are my reasons for this decision: 

1. Men deal with emergencies better

While women tend to be much more in touch with their emotions than men, there are certain situations that are best handled in a cold, calculated manner. If I’m found on the floor next to my table saw spurting blood everywhere or in a country road ditch with my legs trapped in the bent-up frame of my Harley, I want the person hearing about it to be as detached from their emotions as possible when they’re making life-or-death decisions such as which hospital to take to to or whether or not to remove me from life support. I can imagine my wife hearing the news that I’d taken a softball to the temple and lost an eye and turning into a screaming, sobbing mess without anything useful to offer the already chaotic, terrifying situation. Personally, I think I could push aside my emotions, stay calm, and deal with my possible impending death with a much cooler head than my wife could. 

2. If something is wrong with me, I want to know right away

Imagine a scenario where I’m in a coma or in desperate need of a heart transplant. The hospital first needs to get ahold of my wife, which could take hours, and then she needs to get ahold of me, which could also take hours, to let me know what’s going on. In an emergency, every second counts, so why not just cut out the middle man and take the information that I was the victim of a vicious acid attack or ate poisoned meat straight to me? As much as I’m sure she’d love to know what was going on with me, it doesn’t directly affect her like it does me, so in my opinion, I’m the one they should call. 

3. I might have questions for the police that my wife doesn’t think of

My wife is great at a lot of things, like baking and being a surgeon, but she doesn’t always think like a detective the way I do. If my body is found in an old refrigerator in the woods or it appears I attempted to take my own life, I might have questions and concerns that might help the police with the investigation. Like, if I’m missing my wristwatch, that could be a clue, or if I was last seen with a strange man outside of a bowling alley, I might know who that strange man was. No disrespect to my wife, but if the only questions she’s going to be asking are things like, “Does it look like he’s going to make it?” and “Where are they taking his body,” I’d rather be the one who gets that call. 

4. She probably wouldn’t want to know

My wife can barely handle it when I cut my fingers off while slicing onions, so if I’m having a full-blown gory, disturbing, scary medical emergency, she’s probably better off not knowing about it. Sure, at some point she’s going to see it in the newspaper or hear about it on Facebook, but if something bad happens to me, I’d like to give the poor woman as much time as possible before she finds out about it. If I can give my wife even a few days of being blissfully unaware that I’m trapped in a mineshaft as my last gift to her, I’m going to do it. 

5. She might be busy

Since I got laid off and decided to stay home with the dogs full time, my wife’s life has been pretty hectic. Sometimes it takes her hours to respond to my texts asking if she got the Disney+ sign-in code email, and I wouldn’t want a bunch of calls from firefighters and brain doctors and foreign embassies and hot air balloon captains overwhelming her during her shift at the children’s hospital. I’ve got more free time to deal with my bullshit and I feel bad bothering her with it all the time. 

6. I don’t know her phone number 

Yeah, yeah, we’ve been married for 14 years, but how often do you actually dial someone’s phone number these days? Honestly, the only phone number I have memorized is mine, and I barely even know that one. So when I’m handed a clipboard at the oral surgeon and they ask me for my emergency contact, they’re lucky I can even give them my own number! Hopefully no one ever needs to call my emergency contact in an emergency, but if they ever do, that emergency contact is going to be me.

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Pluralistic: Process knowledge (08 Apr 2026)


Today's links



A woman washing dishes by hand in a rural, early 20th century shack. In the foreground is a jumble of tortured golgothan skeletons ganked from a Dore Old Testament engraving. Through the window in the back of the shack, we see a detail from another Dore Old Testament engraving: bodies escaping The Flood.

Process knowledge (permalink)

"Intellectual property" was once an obscure legal backwater. Today, it is the dominant area of political economy, the organizing regime for almost all of our tech regulation, and the most valuable – and most controversial – aspect of global trade policy:

https://pluralistic.net/2026/04/01/minilateralism/#own-goal

Despite (or perhaps because of) its centrality, "intellectual property" is one of those maddeningly vague terms that applies to many different legal doctrines, as well as a set of nebulous, abstract thought-objects that do not qualify for legal protection. "IP" doesn't just refer to copyright, trademark and patent – though these "core three" systems are so heterogeneous in basis, scope and enforcement that the act of lumping them together into a single category confuses more than it clarifies.

Beyond the "core three" of copyright, patent and trademark, "IP" also refers to a patchwork of "neighboring rights" that only exist to varying degrees around the world, like "anticircumvention rights," "database rights" and "personality rights." Then there are doctrines that have come to be thought of as IP, even though they were long considered separate: confidentiality, noncompete and nondisparagement.

Finally, there are those "nebulous, abstract thought-objects" that get labeled "IP," even if no one can really define what they are – for example, the "format" deals that TV shows like Love Island or The Traitors make around the world, which really amount to consulting deals to help other TV networks create a local version of a popular show, but which are treated as the sale of some (nonexistent) exclusive right.

It's hard to find a commonality amongst all these wildly different concepts, but a couple years ago, I hit on a working definition of "IP" that seems to cover all the bases: I say that "IP" means "any rule, law or policy that allows a company to exert control over its critics, competitors or customers":

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

Put that way, it's easy to see why "IP" would be such a central organizing principle in a modern, end-stage capitalist world. But even though "IP" is treated as a firm's most important asset, it's actually far less important than another intangible: process knowledge.

I first came across the concept of "process knowledge" in Dan Wang's Breakneck, a very good book about the rise and rise of Chinese manufacturing, industrialization and global dominance:

https://danwang.co/breakneck/

I picked up Breakneck after reading other writers whom I admire who singled out the book's treatment of process knowledge for praise and further discussion. The political scientist Henry Farrell called process knowledge the key to economic development:

https://www.programmablemutter.com/p/process-knowledge-is-crucial-to-economic

While Dan Davies – a superb writer about organizations and their management – used England's Brompton Bicycles to make the abstract concept of process knowledge very concrete indeed:

https://backofmind.substack.com/p/the-brompton-ness-of-it-all

So what is process knowledge? It's all the knowledge that workers collectively carry around in their heads – hard-won lessons that span firms and divisions, that can never be adequately captured through documentation. Think of a worker at a chip fab who finds themself with a load of microprocessors that have failed QA because they become unreliable when they're run above a certain clockspeed. If that worker knows enough about the downstream customers' processes, they can contact one of those customers and offer the chips for use in a lower-end product, which can save the fab millions and make millions more for the customer.

This just happened to Apple, who seized upon a lot of "binned" microprocessors that were headed to the landfill and designed the Macbook Neo (a new, cheap, low-end laptop) around them, salvaging the defective chips by running them at lower speeds. The result? Apple's most successful laptop in years, which has now sold so well that Apple has exhausted the supply of defective chips and is scrambling to fill orders:

https://www.macrumors.com/2026/04/07/macbook-neo-massive-dilemma/

Process knowledge is squishy, contingent, and wildly important in a world filled with entropy-stricken, off-spec, and stubbornly physical things. Work with a particular machine long enough and you will develop a Fingerspitzengefühl (fingertip feeling) for the optimal rate to introduce a new load of feedstock to it after it runs dry. Even more importantly: if you work with that machine long enough, you'll have the mobile phone number of the retired person who knows how to un-jam it if you try to reload it too fast on your usual technician's day off. This kind of knowledge can mean the difference between profitability and bankruptcy.

So why isn't process knowledge given the centrality in our conceptions of what makes a corporation valuable?

After reading Wang, Farrell and Davies, I formulated a theory: we ignore process knowledge for the same reason we exalt "IP," because process knowledge can't be bought or sold, can't be reflected on a balance-sheet, and can't be controlled, and because "IP" can. Process knowledge is far more important than "IP" (just try creating a vaccine from a set of instructions without the skilled technicians who have already spent years executing similar projects), but process knowledge is spread out amongst workers and can't be abstracted away by their bosses. Your boss can make you sign a contract assigning all your copyrights and patents to the business, but if you and your team quit your job, all that "IP" will plummet in value without the people who know how to mobilize it:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/09/08/process-knowledge/#dance-monkey-dance

"IP" isn't just a case of "you treasure what you measure" – it's also a case of "you measure what you treasure."

Recently, I hit on a positively delightful Tumblr post that illustrated the importance of process knowledge, and the way that bosses systematically undervalue it:

https://www.tumblr.com/explorerrowan/813098951730479104

This post is one of those glorious internet documents, a novel literary form for which we have no accepted term. It's composed of four major sections: a screenshotted impromptu Twitter thread made in reply to a throwaway post; a lengthy Tumblr reply to the screenshots; a second Tumblr reply to the first one; and then a chorus of more than 38,000 notes, replies, and hashtags added to it. I have no idea what to call this kind of document, in which some people are reacting to others without the others ever knowing about it, but also which is also written by so many authors, many of whom are explicitly interacting with one another. It's a "hypertext," sure, but what kind of hypertext?

Whatever you call it, it's amazing. As noted, it opens with a Twitter exchange. The first tweet comes from an online dating influencer, "TheEcho13":

I interviewed a gen z girlie 6 months ago and in the interview she told me that she does not like a challenge, has no interest in career progression, prefers to just do repetitive tasks and will never complain about being bored.

I hired her.

https://xcancel.com/TheEcho13/status/1948951885693813135#m

In response, Viveros (a content creator from Alberta and one of the 4m people who saw the original tweet), replied with a short thread about the value of people like this, who "keep the lights on and the business functioning at everything from restaurants to post offices but now nobody’s interested in hiring them":

https://xcancel.com/TheViveros/status/1949149720406110382#m

These are the "lifer[s] who can teach new people how everything works, who knows what’s up in the system, who knows what the obscure solutions are, and who can help calm down the asshole regulars because they know them more personally." In other words, the keepers of the process knowledge.

When this screenshotted exchange was posted to Tumblr, it prompted Blinkpatch, who describes themself as a "genderfluid," "ancient" "drifter" who pines for "solar-punk flavored revolution" to reply with a brilliant anecdote about their stint working as a dishwasher:

https://weaselle.tumblr.com/post/790895560390492160/whenever-i-think-about-the-value-of-something

At 16, Blinkpatch was hired as a restaurant dishwasher under the tutelage of Claudio, a 60-year old "career dish pit man." Claudio had washed dishes for his whole life, reveling in the fact that he could get work in any city, at any time.

When Claudio realized that Blinkpatch was taking the job seriously, the training began in earnest. Claudio asked Blinkpatch if they wanted to be able to clock off at midnight at the end of each shift, and when Blinkpatch said they did, Claudio laid a lot of process knowledge on them:

This machine takes two full minutes to run a cycle. We are on the clock for 8 hours. That means we have a maximum of 240 times we can run this machine. If you want to wash all those dishes, clean your station, mop, and clock off by midnight? This machine has to be on and running every second of the shift.

If you don’t have a full load of dishes collected, scraped, rinsed, stacked, and ready to go into the dishwasher the second it’s done every single time? You can’t do it. If, over the course of 8 hours, you let this machine lay idle for just one minute in between finishing each load and being turned on again? Instead of 240 loads, you’ll do 160 loads.

These are the parameters, the kind of thing any Taylorist with a stopwatch could tell you. But Claudio went on to explain how that extra idle minute would translate to chaos in the kitchen, as the cooks ran out of pots and the servers ran out of plates, and how they would take out their frustrations on the dishwasher. To optimize that dishwasher, Blinkpatch would need to have a reserve of bulky, machine-filling items that could be run through the machine any time a load finished before there was a sufficient supply of smaller items. If they failed at this, Blinkpatch would be washing dishes until 2AM, rather than clocking out at midnight.

Blinkpatch's takeaway was that dishwashing was the bottleneck the whole restaurant ran through – and how that meant that Claudio, who was "unambitious" by conventional standards, had the best understanding of the restaurant's overall operations of anyone on site. He was the keeper of the process knowledge

This reply prompted another response, from "Marisol," a "haunted house actress and accidental IT person" who told the story of her time working at a medical office that specialized in mental health and addiction recovery:

https://www.tumblr.com/marisolinspades/790960414106304512/all-of-this-disaster-befalls-any-company-that

The company was in the midst of standing up its own purpose-built facility, and the CEO was working intensively with the architect to design this new building. When Marisol – the receptionist – happened to be consulted on the near-final design plan, "it took all of three seconds for two major issues to jump out."

First: "The receptionist can’t see the waiting room from her desk with this layout. It’s around the corner and blocked by a wall." This meant that she couldn't "keep track of the patients who are waiting."

The architect and CEO wanted to know why she couldn't use the sign-in sheet to manage this. She explained that not everyone signs in – people who are there for a check-in or group therapy need to be directed to the other side of the building, while "some people are painfully shy and if I don’t appear warm and inviting they won’t approach."

The CEO and architect asked whether this happened often, and she replied "every day." They didn't believe her. Nor did they believe her when she said that the receptionists needed to have continuous access to the chart room throughout the day – they insisted that since charts for the day's patients were pulled in the morning, it would be OK to house them through two sets of locked doors, a five-minute walk away (that way, workers wouldn't be tempted to "goof off" in the room). They wanted to keep the chart room locked, with the key entrusted to the CEO, who would supervise every entry.

Marisol explained that charts were pulled continuously, any time there was a crisis or a patient had a question for a nurse, or when a patient came in due to a cancellation. All told, reception went into the chart room 20-30 times/day. The "goofing off" they thought workers got up to in the chart room was "when we got news that a patient had died and we were crying. And even then, we filed charts as we sobbed because no one in this office has free time."

The CEO and architect were still disbelieving, so Marisol had them sit with her for an hour. They didn't last an hour – they left, taking the blueprints with them.

The punchline: Marisol bemoans the fact that she wasn't given more time with those blueprints, because then she might have spotted that they'd forgotten to include any closets, including closets for the janitors. As a result, all their cleaning supplies and holiday decorations were stolen from the cabinets in the bathrooms that they were forced to stash them in.

Marisol blames this on a "CEO who had never worked a lower level job in his life wasn’t convinced closets were worth it."

This is doubtless true – but we can generalize this, to "a CEO who didn't appreciate process knowledge."

I've come to believe that process knowledge is the most undervalued part of our society. So undervalued that business geniuses like Elon Musk think you can fire skilled lifers from key government agencies and simply hire new ones if turns out you cut too deep. So undervalued that Trump thinks that you can simply stand up new factories in response to tariffs, and that "training" will somehow allow people to go to work making things that haven't been produced onshore in a generation.

And of course, the people who value process knowledge the least are the AI bros who think you can replace skilled workers with a chatbot trained on the things they say and write down, as though that somehow captured everything they know.


Hey look at this (permalink)



A shelf of leatherbound history books with a gilt-stamped series title, 'The World's Famous Events.'

Object permanence (permalink)

#15yrsago Chicken Little: what do you sell to an immortal, vat-bound quadrillionaire? https://web.archive.org/web/20110408210327/http://www.tor.com/stories/2011/04/chicken-little

#15yrsago Anya’s Ghost: sweet and scary ghost story about identity https://memex.craphound.com/2011/04/06/anyas-ghost-sweet-and-scary-ghost-story-about-identity/

#10yrsago The UK government’s voice-over-IP standard is designed to be backdoored https://discovery.ucl.ac.uk/id/eprint/1476827/

#5yrsago Ad-tech's algorithmic cruelty https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/06/digital-phrenology/#weaponized-nostalgia

#5yrsago The real cancel culture https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/06/digital-phrenology/#digital-phrenology


Upcoming appearances (permalink)

A photo of me onstage, giving a speech, pounding the podium.



A screenshot of me at my desk, doing a livecast.

Recent appearances (permalink)



A grid of my books with Will Stahle covers..

Latest books (permalink)



A cardboard book box with the Macmillan logo.

Upcoming books (permalink)

  • "The Reverse-Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book about being a better AI critic, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, June 2026 (https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374621568/thereversecentaursguidetolifeafterai/)

  • "Enshittification, Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It" (the graphic novel), Firstsecond, 2026

  • "The Post-American Internet," a geopolitical sequel of sorts to Enshittification, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2027

  • "Unauthorized Bread": a middle-grades graphic novel adapted from my novella about refugees, toasters and DRM, FirstSecond, 2027

  • "The Memex Method," Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 2027



Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources:

Currently writing: "The Post-American Internet," a sequel to "Enshittification," about the better world the rest of us get to have now that Trump has torched America. First draft complete. Second draft underway.

  • "The Reverse Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book for Farrar, Straus and Giroux about being an effective AI critic. LEGAL REVIEW AND COPYEDIT COMPLETE.

  • "The Post-American Internet," a short book about internet policy in the age of Trumpism. PLANNING.

  • A Little Brother short story about DIY insulin PLANNING


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Minder lezen, Meer weten.

Stevige winsten op Wall Street na staakt-het-vuren Midden-Oosten

NEW YORK (ANP) - De aandelenbeurzen in New York zijn woensdag met stevige plussen geopend, in navolging van de sterke koerswinsten in Azië en Europa door de wapenstilstand tussen de Verenigde Staten en Iran. De olieprijzen gingen hard onderuit, omdat Iran heeft toegezegd de Straat van Hormuz te heropenen voor de scheepvaart.

De Amerikaanse president Donald Trump heeft gezegd de aanvallen op Iran voor twee weken op te schorten om ruimte te bieden voor verdere onderhandelingen. Teheran heeft toegezegd in ruil daarvoor de Straat van Hormuz volledig te heropenen voor schepen. Via die route wordt wereldwijd een vijfde van alle olie en vloeibaar gemaakt aardgas (lng) vervoerd. De prijs van een vat Amerikaanse WTI-olie zakte ruim 17 procent tot 93,46 dollar en Brentolie werd 16 procent goedkoper op 91,77 dollar per vat.

De Dow-Jonesindex noteerde kort na opening 2,9 procent hoger op 47.939 punten. De brede S&P 500 steeg 2,5 procent tot 6781 punten en de technologiebeurs Nasdaq won 3,3 procent tot 22.747 punten.


Dode bankmedewerkster Amsterdam slachtoffer van misdrijf

AMSTERDAM (ANP) - De 40-jarige bankmedewerkster die op 26 maart dood werd gevonden in een woning aan de Koninginneweg in Amsterdam-Zuid, is waarschijnlijk slachtoffer van een misdrijf.

De politie heeft woensdag haar partner aangehouden. Het is een 39-jarige man uit Amsterdam. Hij zit in beperkingen en mag daarom alleen contact hebben met zijn advocaat.

De vrouw werkte bij ABN AMRO.

Een paar dagen later werd een dode vrouw gevonden op een parkeerplaats in Nieuw-Vennep. Ook zij was een medewerkster van ABN AMRO en kwam door een misdrijf om het leven. De politie liet vorige week al weten dat er geen verband lijkt te zijn tussen de twee zaken.


EU geeft Utrechtse projecten recordbedrag van 831 miljoen euro

UTRECHT (ANP) - De Europese Unie heeft sinds 2021 831 miljoen euro subsidie toegekend aan projecten in de provincie Utrecht. De provincie meldt dat niet eerder in een zesjarig Europees programma zo'n groot bedrag is toegewezen. Ook gaat het om bijna een verdubbeling in vergelijking met de vorige periode (2014-2020).

"De verdubbeling van de Europese financiering levert naar verwachting ruim 10.700 banen op", aldus de provincie. Ook verwacht Utrecht door de Europese bijdragen een extra investeringsimpuls van ruim 1,2 miljard euro. Het geld is bestemd voor 1255 projecten van 517 verschillende Utrechtse aanvragers.

Daarbij gaat het onder meer om projecten tegen oververhitting van gebouwen, slimmer gebruik van energie en het hergebruik van materialen en grondstoffen. Ook voor investeringen in de gezondheidstechnologie komt geld vrij. De doelen zijn onder meer het verbeteren van pijnbestrijding en minder ingrijpende behandelingen van hartziekten.


Tientallen doden door Israëlische aanvallen op Libanon

BEIROET (ANP/RTR/AFP) - Bij Israëlische aanvallen op Libanon zijn woensdag tientallen doden en honderden gewonden gevallen, meldt de Libanese overheid. Volgens de Libanese premier Nawaf Salam hebben de aanvallen dichtbevolkte gebieden geraakt.

Het Libanese Ministerie van Gezondheid riep burgers op om plaats te maken op de weg zodat de vele ambulances erlangs kunnen. Ziekenhuizen zouden overvol zijn door het grote aantal slachtoffers dat binnenkomt.

Een woordvoerder van het Israëlische leger noemde de aanvallen de grootste sinds het begin van de oorlog. Volgens het tienpuntenplan voor een bestand tussen Iran, Israël en de VS moet Israël ook stoppen met het aanvallen van Libanon, maar premier Benjamin Netanyahu heeft dat ontkend.

Volgens Salam negeert Israël daarmee regionale en internationale pogingen om tot een staakt-het-vuren te komen. Verscheidene landen, waaronder ook Nederland, benadrukten dat het bestand ook voor Libanon moet gelden.


Wielrenster Kool sprint naar zege in Scheldeprijs

SCHOTEN (ANP) - Charlotte Kool heeft de Scheldeprijs gewonnen. In het Belgische Schoten sprintte de Nederlandse wielrenster van Fenix-Deceuninck naar de zege voor haar landgenoot Nienke Veenhoven en de Italiaanse Elisa Balsamo. De afgelopen drie jaar werd Kool telkens tweede in de Scheldeprijs, een keer achter Balsamo en twee keer achter Lorena Wiebes.

Het is de tweede zege van het seizoen voor de 26-jarige Kool. Op 2 kilometer van de eindstreep was er een valpartij in het peloton, waardoor in een uitgedunde groep om de overwinning werd gesprint.


Belangrijke Saudische oliepijpleiding aangevallen

RIYAD (ANP/RTR) - Een belangrijke oliepijpleiding in Saudi-Arabië is getroffen door een aanval, melden persbureaus Bloomberg en Reuters op basis van ingewijden. Het gaat om een leiding die van het oosten van het land naar het westen loopt en de Saudi's in staat stelt olie te exporteren via de Rode Zee, waarmee ze de blokkade van de Straat van Hormuz omzeilen.

Volgens persbureau Reuters ging het om een Iraanse aanval. Het is nog niet precies duidelijk hoe groot de schade is. Bronnen van de Financial Times, die de aanval als eerste meldde, zeggen dat een pompinstallatie is getroffen die bij de pijpleiding hoort. Eigenaar Saudi Aramco weigerde tegenover de zakenkrant commentaar.


thexiffy

Last.fm last recent tracks from thexiffy.

Gorillaz - The Empty Dream Machine (feat. Black Thought, Johnny Marr and Anoushka Shankar)

Gorillaz

Formula 1 News

Formula 1® - The Official F1® Website

Antonelli evaluates how much he's stepped up in second F1 season

Kimi Antonelli has opened up on where he's stepped up from his maiden season, and where he still needs to improve for 2026.