No one ever said being the best would come easy. Whether you want to win in the octagon or on the street, toughness and skill aren’t given, they’re earned! It’s time to train! To that end, here are six capybara petting zoos where they’ll look the other way if you want to use one of the capybaras to practice your Brazilian jiu-jitsu holds.
1. Capybara Acres
The capybaras at Capybara Acres in Pigeon Forge, TN, are healthy and well cared for, but the owners are known to turn a blind eye to visitors roughhousing with their animals. Capybaras barely have any neck at all, which makes them the perfect sparring partners for practicing your rear naked chokes in preparation for the real deal. Plus, the $12 entry fee is good for a full day at Capybara Acres, which is a much better deal than paying double the price for just an hour with a human sparring partner.
2. Cuddly Capys
You can give the word “cuddling” an all-new meaning at Cuddly Capys in upstate New York, because the owners there don’t give TWO SHITS if their capybaras are pinned to the ground by aspiring mixed martial artists. With capybara farms as lax as Cuddly Capys, you’ve simply got zero reasons not to get out there and become a champion.
3. Dave’s Petting Zoo
While some reports state that Dave might ask you to take it easy on his capybaras if he catches you doing guillotines on his giant rodents, others say that a five-spot will help change his mind. If you aren’t afraid of greasing a few capybara wrangler palms, Dave’s could probably replace your regular training gym.
4. Mr. Capybara’s
Some say that the secret is out and Mr. Capybara’s is now so inundated with fighters that you can’t find a single capybara there who’s not being worked over by a young MMA hopeful. But if you’re willing to show up at the ass crack of dawn, you can still find a rodent to roll with.
5. (Unnamed Capybara farm, Polaris, MT)
This little hole-in-the wall is very liberal when it comes to wrangling and wrestling their collection of world class ‘baras. Do you have what it takes to pin all 17 in one day?
6. Capybara World
Yes, despite being the most mainstream capybara petting zoo in the entire nation, the “Disney World of capybara petting zoos” will still let guests get rough-and-tumble with their impressive collection of capybaras of all shapes and sizes, no questions asked. While training with capybaras should always be supplemented with cardio and weight training, there’s no reason you couldn’t replace a traditional gym membership with a Capybara World season pass and spend the majority of your workout time in the pens, just messing around with capybaras. It’s THAT good.
