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When you’re a parent, you live to protect your child, but sometimes the unthinkable happens and you find yourself confronted with the ultimate tragedy. That’s what happened to Bruce and Amanda Cooper, who just experienced every parent’s worst nightmare: Their child Hunter drowned in his family’s freshly installed pool, came back to life during his wake, ate more than half of his grandmother, was shot 26 times by his own father, and began a scream which continues to this day.
Absolutely devastating. This is the exact scenario every parent fears more than anything else in the world.
When the Coopers first installed their new swimming pool in their back yard, they envisioned it as the future site of countless summer memories and moments of joy. But five minutes after the pool had been installed, eight-year-old Hunter sprinted into the water and drowned immediately. His parents were heartbroken, but their nightmare was only beginning. At Hunter’s wake, his father was giving a speech about how the only good thing about losing a child is that they can only die once, when all of a sudden Hunter climbed out of his coffin and said, “I’m back from Heaven, where everything sucks.” This caused everyone at the wake to boo the newly resurrected child and throw things like bricks and shoes at his grieving parents.
This might seem like the lowest point imaginable, but things got even more tragic when Hunter saw his grandmother, Georgina among the mourners, pointed at her and said, “That old lady’s the kind of grandma that looks like food,” and proceeded to start eating his grandmother alive. As she was devoured by her own grandson, Georgina kept giving Bruce the middle finger while screaming about how much she hated America, which caused the United States Army to send a tank to blow up Bruce’s car.
Many people might think it’s a blessing for parents when their drowned child gets back up and starts doing all their bullshit again, but those people belong in prison because of how mistaken they are. When Hunter’s mother first saw her son flop out of his coffin, the first thing she said was, “Hunter! My son! You’re alive!” but Hunter just looked at her and said, “Go back to the barnyard, she-rooster, I’m busy eating this pile of lunch that calls itself my grandma.” He then went back to chowing down on his grandmother while she continued to shout anti-American slogans and pissing off the Army.
If you thought losing a child was heartbreaking, imagine having your car destroyed by your own country while your reanimated son eats your own mother while she flips you off. It’s the sort of thing you always imagine would happen to somebody else, and when it happens to you, you’re totally unprepared.
Every single person currently reading this story is presently thinking, “This is as bad as it could possibly get, and this story could not possibly get sadder,” but that would make all of them wrong and evil, because this tragedy did get worse.
After Hunter had eaten approximately 52% of his grandmother, Bruce decided to take matters into his own hands. “I bring a gun to every wake I attend in case I need to defend myself from wasps or earthquakes,” Bruce told all the best reporters in the world during a press conference. “When you bring a gun to your own son’s wake, the last thing you expect is that you’re going to use that gun on your son’s reanimated corpse. I mean, I knew it was a possibility, every parent knows in the back of their mind they might one day have to shoot the zombie version of their drowned child while that child eats their mother-in-law, but it’s not exactly something anybody likes to think about. But at this point Hunter had eaten more than half of his grandma, and I had no choice but to shoot him as many times as I could.”
Bruce was forced to shoot his reanimated cannibal son 26 times, which is something no parent should ever have to do, but the worst was yet to come, because getting shot more than two dozen times caused Hunter to begin the longest scream any resurrected child has emitted in months. It was one long, sustained tone that to this day has not stopped or changed in any way.
“When my wife and first talked about having kids, we did briefly think about what we would do if our child drowned, came back to life, devoured a significant portion of his grandmother, and then screamed forever after we shot him a lot of times, but we decided to start a family even though we knew that was a real risk,” says Bruce. “Now I regret. Nobody should have children and parenthood is a mistake. The Army blew up my car.”
Absolutely heartbreaking. If you’re not sobbing extremely loudly while reading this story, you’re on the wrong side of history. Here’s hoping we one day live in a world where no parent has to experience the kind of tragedy the Cooper family has been forced to endure. Things like this are far too common in our society, and it needs to change. Share if you believe it’s sad when kids die and then come back to life and then eat their grandparents and then scream for a long time!
It’s not that millennials will never own homes, it’s just that they may never be able to own them where they want to. Case in point: The town you grew up in and fought so hard to escape is the only place with homes in your price range.
Just heartbreaking.
Although you worked so hard to get good grades in high school, saved money by attending community college for two years before transferring to a state university, and landed a solid job in your dream city, ultimately, after 15 years out of your parents’ house, the only homes in your price range are back in the podunk town where you were raised.
And sure, there are other affordable homes in other equivalent podunk towns, but it’s pretty depressing that your hard work has merely led you back to a place with nothing but a 7-11, two dive bars, and an opioid crisis. If only you’d known that to really make something for yourself, your one option was to go into finance. But would business school even be worth it now? What with AI…? And everything?
Oh, who knows? (Certainly not you.)
There’s a pretty nice-looking place on Zillow up for sale, not too far down the street from your parents. Three bedrooms, a little yard, a laundry machine. Yes, buying it would mean you failed, but something about it remains compelling. Most tragically, you could’ve saved about half the cost if you’d just bought it during the pandemic when your mom first sent you the link.
Damn. If only you’d known to give up by then.
So what will you do? Should you just keep renting in the city where you’re basically watching your money burn? Or should you move back home, buy property, and just get addicted to opioids? Sound off below!
Carrom, a game in which players flick counters into pockets on a board, has drawn hundreds to events across the UK
On a Monday evening in the upstairs room of Dishoom Permit Room in Notting Hill, the atmosphere is already crackling before the games night begins. Chai is poured and passed around, chalk is dusted across wooden boards, and the sharp click of counters striking the surface cuts through the noise of conversation.
At one table, Uneeb Khalid, 39, and his friend Varun Solan, 43, are deep in conversation about artificial intelligence while flicking small counters across a wooden board. Later, they reach the final round – and finish in second place.
Continue reading...In the 1980s, she had to show her work in a corridor by the ICA’s toilet. Now she’s representing Britain at the ‘art Olympics’. So is the artist feeling a bit establishment? Quite the reverse
The Venice Biennale opening is just days away but Lubaina Himid isn’t in a rush. The artist, who will represent Britain at the “Olympics of art”, is at home in Preston, where there’s an air of calm. Her wife and frequent collaborator Magda Stawarska is making a pot of tea. Gardeners are moving paving slabs in the back yard.
We wander around her beautiful Victorian terrace to the house directly behind. Himid bought it, knocked down a wall between the two properties and has almost finished turning it into a studio. It’s airy, light-filled and serene. Works on canvas are dotted around; paintbrushes sit neatly in custom-made cabinetry. Everything is in its right place.
Continue reading...A whiff of David Fincher’s Seven lingers in the air but this moody crime drama from David Lipper is devoid of clever twists
‘We got a serial killer,” announces a policeman in this retro 1990s-style thriller directed by David Lipper; evidence has comes back that an enigmatic, super-clever suspect (played by Dylan Sprouse) has the blood of three different people on his clothing. (But if the victims were all killed at roughly the same time, wouldn’t that make him a mass murderer?) It’s best not to get too hung up on nomenclature or to think too hard about anything here – like how can one character predict that an ordinary pen would get left behind in a room to serve as a convenient murder weapon? Just go with the throwback vibe, the moody underlit cinematography, and growling subsonic score. Even the faces vaguely recall B- and C-movie fodder from the 1990s/early 2000s including Josh Duhamel and Til Schweiger, here playing a retiring police detective and his mysteriously German commanding officer, respectively.
Duhamel’s Shaw is nominally the protagonist here, although he’s consistently upstaged by Sprouse’s blood-splattered murderer, called AJ, who pulls out the unsettling high-pitched giggles and evil smirks we’ve come to expect from our movie killers. It turns out that AJ has left a trail of clues leading to each of his recent murders that Shaw must unravel if he’s to find his own teenage son (Corbin Pitts), who AJ has locked up in some underground lair with only hours left until he runs out of air.
Continue reading...Ministers have committed to changing rules for children, but how this will take shape is still up for debate
The UK government committed last week to either implementing a ban on under-16s accessing social media or imposing restrictions on children’s use of those platforms.
A consultation is already under way on whether to impose limits and the announcement confirms that curbs will be introduced. Here are some of the restrictions that could be brought in.
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